Most of my successes in life have been made with a sort of reckless vigor. We were only—les autres. The delight of the turnkeys was beyond all bounds; but poor Mrs. She would come back and write letters, carefully planned and written letters, or read some book she had fetched from Mudie’s—she had invested a half-guinea with Mudie’s—or sit over her fire and think. But there was no feeling of remorse; there was only the sensation of exaltation. Her evident terror and distress reinforced the tale he told. I know I am undeserving of your bounty; but if I were to tell you what hardships I have undergone—to what frightful extremities I have been reduced—and to what infamy I have submitted, to earn a scanty subsistence for this child's sake, —if you could feel what it is to stand alone in the world as I do, bereft of all who have ever loved me, and shunned by all who have ever known me, except the worthless and the wretched,—if you knew (and Heaven grant you may be spared the knowledge!) how much affliction sharpens love, and how much more dear to me my child has become for every sacrifice I have made for him,—if you were told all this, you would, I am sure, pity rather than reproach me, because I cannot at once consent to a separation, which I feel would break my heart. F. In all this world there was no sacred ground that said to her: Return! She was of all human beings the most lonely. Only the next of kin.
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